Snakes are Sly Creatures
by DifferentAndTheSame25192
Summary: Bubblegum's a hermaphrodite? Finn can get pregnant? Strange snake women are stalking our heroes? WHAT HAS DIFFER COME UP WITH IN HER DARK TWISTED MIND! This will include crack, hopefully not much, weird love triangles..er..rectangles...um...deformed shapangles...whatever. Jake's saliva, the Ice King, and of course, Uke!Finn, and Seme!Bubblegum! Maybe some sexy-timez ? Nah. But...


**Snakes are Sly Creatures: Chpt. 1- I'M GETTING WEIRD HERE. I'M SO SORRY.**

**OKie-dokie. Mr. HVK, bro, I know I promised "The Adventures of Uke Finn and Seme Bubblegum" would put up first, it seems I LIED.**

**I was trying to write the chapter, I swear to God, and then...THIS was born. Helped along with a rather..._strange _prompt from an unknown source. SO this is strange.**

**Not sure why I'm writing this. Not sure if this'll offend anybody. If it does, I'm so sorry.**

**...GOD. MY MIND IS SO TWISTED.**

***coughs* Anyway, here. HVK, it's sort of similar.**

**But not really.**

**ANYWAY. Enjoy! If you can...**

"Princess, please pay attention!" snapped Bubblegum's tutor, Lady Drachnae, a snake woman. "But I don't want to!" Bubblegum whined, slumping over her book and paper ridden desk. "I need to see Finn!" Her teacher glared down at the princess.

"You need to concentrate on your studies, not on some rag tag human misfit." PB scowled at Lady Drach. "Silence. You forget who you're speaking to, and who you're talking about. Finn the Human is not some 'rag tag human misfit'. He is the greatest hero Ooo has known since Billy, and he is also my boy-wife."

The teacher flushed in indignation, but paused. "Boy-wife?" Bubblegum shrugged. "Ah, I'm obviously the husband in our relationship, but since he's a male, Finn is a boy-wife!" She pointed threateningly at the woman. "MY BOY-WIFE."

"Anyway," Lady D cleared her throat. "You need to put more effort and attention into your studies. One day, you are going to go from Princess to Queen. Your husband, whatever Prince he may be, is going to rely on you for guidance, and wisdom, as well as your soon to be vast knowledge."

PB stood up. "Whoa, whoa. Prince? Finn is NOT a prince." Her teacher smiled knowingly. "Yes, that's true. Of course you realize you cannot marry the human boy, correct?"

Bubblegum let out an angry snort. "I can do whatever the bloo-blob I want. I'm the ruler of this land. I may do what I please." Lady Drachnae's smile grew wider. "Oh, my lady, if you marry a commoner, you will no longer be a Princess. And thus, you would rule nothing." Peebles turned, and with a swish of her annoyingly long skirt, left the classroom, slamming the door behind her.

Left alone, the tutor's smile quickly morphed into a smirk. "I believe it is time for some suitors to arrive, don't you Nimunay?" A small yellow snake with black, jagged stripes slithered out of the folds in her gown and onto the floor.

As the snake woman watched, the small reptile shuddered and grew into a slightly smaller, yet beautiful snake girl. Her hair was long and dark, the lower half of her body the same striking yellow with black markings, and, a snake's tail.

From the waist up her skin was slightly scaly and gray. She wore a strange scaly type of covering over her breasts. The girl had piercing yellow eyes, her pupils' slits, and darting about, before they settled on her mother. Nimunay's red lips parted in a smile, showing pearly white snake fangs.

"Yesssss Mother." She hissed, enfolding her parent in a hug. "I am ready for the bearer of my children to join me in the Sssssnake Cavessssss." Drachnae looked down fondly at her only child. "Are you sure that you want this….Finn for your wife Nimunay? Surely there are other submissive snake men out there."

The girl shook her head. "No. He issss the one. Our children will be quite beautiful, if what I've heard issss true. The boy isss alsssso told to be very ssssstrong, and I need a ssssturdy ssssub." She smirked. "I have a feeling I'm going to be a rough mater."

Drachnae smoothed her hair, smiling proudly. Just like her mother! "Your father would be proud, my sly snake." She murmured, making Nim's eyes light up in delight. "We will ssssoon have revenge for hissss murder, right Mother?"

The snake woman frowned, and her eyes glinted dangerously. "Yes. They will pay for taking my mate." She growled in a tone that promised revenge, death, and a lot of it.

Nimunay slithered over to the window and peered out of it, zeroing in on a certain candy princess now in shorts and a purple shirt. "You'd besssst keep your boy-wife;" Here Drachnae raised an eybrow. "Clossssse to you. I am coming for him. And if you are not careful…" she narrowed her eerily yellow eyes. "I will ssssnatch him up."

* * *

"Finn!" Bubblegum called as she neared the tree fort. Reaching it, she knocked. "Finn? Jake? You guys home?" There was no answer. Curious, she circled around the house, only to be faced with a battle behind the structure.

"Bubblegum!" shouted Finn, deflecting a burst of light with his sword. "Get into the- arg!- house!" PB turned to do just that, but whipped back around as she saw their foe, Magic Man as she now recognized him, shoot a spell at Finn's back. "No!" she shouted, launching herself at her boyfriend and holding onto him tightly as the spell hit.

The two collapsed, and Magic Man, with an insane giggle, teleported away, leaving Jake to scoop the couple up and rush inside.

"Finn, Bubblegum! Aw, man, I wish Lady were here!" Jake exclaimed. "Alright, alright, no big deal Jake. Just…lick them! Yeah!" excited and sure that his idea would work, the dog proceeded to cover the young teens in slobber.

"Ew….." moaned PB, sitting up and groggily glaring at the smiling Jake. "J-Jake?" Jake rushed to Finn's side and helped him up. "Bro, you okay?" The human boy nodded slowly, brushing his hair out of his eyes. As Jake and Bubblegum got a good look at his face for the first time, they gasped. "What?"

Finn had changed. His hair, if it was possible, grew even more golden and silky, framing his now heart shaped face. His blue eyes were bluer, shining and big with thick lashes. Finn had full girlish lips that were pink and plump and perfect.

He was shorter, they could tell. The boy would probably be level to Bubblegum's chest, maybe a few centimeters taller. His once muscled body was now lithe and slim, with curiously feminine curves that were soft and plenty. Even Finn's voice had changed. It was bell-like, and softer.

Finn suddenly let out a cry and pointed at Bubblegum. "W-What happened to you?" "What do you mean?" The candy princess hurried over to a mirror and let out a shriek. It wasn't just Finn whose appearance had changed.

Bubblegum, the once curvy and small princess, was taller; much taller, 5"9, at least. Now Finn would reach just under her chest. Her breasts where still there; in fact, they seemed bigger. No, they WERE bigger, straining against her once slightly too big shirt.

Her shoulders were broader, her curves were sharp. PB's voice was deeper, though not by much, you could tell. As she paced around in a panic, she suddenly felt something strange between her legs. "What's in my…" Bubblegum trailed off as she pulled her shorts down slightly and finally saw what was there. "…I have a dick." Silence for 3…2…1….. "HOLY SON OF A SANDWITCH I HAVE A PENIS!"

She flailed and screamed in a mix of terror and surprise. "Wait." PB suddenly calmed and stared intensely at Finn, who was watching with interest next to Jake. "If I have a penis now, does that mean Finn….." her gaze slid down to his crotch.

The dog and the princess looked at each other, and simultaneously nodded. Jake, quick as lighting, pinned Finn down and peered down into his pants while the boy protested and blushed. "No, it's there." Bubblegum nodded, thoughtfully stroking her imaginary beard.

"Okay. Finn is almost like a girl, but with short hair, no boobs, and a dick. I'm almost like a man, but with long hair, and suddenly gigantic knockers. But I have a penis…" Finn, still blushing, raised his hand. "I know! I know the answer!"

The other two looked in amazement at the normally dense teen. "Uh….okay. Finn, what am I?" He cleared his throat. "You're what I think used to be called a hermaphrodite." Jake stared at his little brother. "How do you know this, dude?" he asked. "And what's a hermaphrodite?" added PB.

"A hermaphrodite is a girl, who looks just like a normal female, but has a male reproductive organ known as a penis. And, it was Marceline. I was fifteen. I was scarred for life. Because it had pictures."

Bubblegum winced and patted him on the back. "Wait a second." Jake said, sniffing the air. "Finn, you smell like a girl." Finn looked slightly offended. "Bubblegum, you smell like a guy." The princess glared. "Guys, I think you guys sort of….. switched gender. On the outsides, you pretty much look like your normal selves, but I can smell you, and you both smell like the other should."

The couple glanced at each other with growing horror. "You mean that I'm technically a girl?" "And I'm a boy on the inside?" Jake nodded, chuckling. "Finn!" Bubblegum exclaimed, scooping him up and pressing her forehead to his. "Finn, if you're a girl, then…" Jake gasped. "Bro, you can get pregnant!"

Finn went white as a sheet, and after his eyes rolled back into his head, he fainted dead away. "Jake?" Bubblegum said after a minute. "Yeah Princess?" "I can impregnate Finn because I have a dick now, right?" "Uh…..yeah?" "FLUFF YEAH!"

* * *

**...*awkward silence***

**Ah man. That awkward moment when you realize your mind is dark and twisted. This is like yaoi! But at the same time, it's not! WTF!**

**Flame me! I deserve it! This forsaken prompt! This horrifying plot line! **

**HVK, FORGIVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee e...eeeEEee...**

**Shamefully yours, **

**Differ**


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